hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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