I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
