There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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