Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
