I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
