come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
