I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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