I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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