How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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