I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
