My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
