you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
