she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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