textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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