It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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