That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
