I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
