girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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