Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
