i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
