Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize