he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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