her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
