We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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