I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
