I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
