so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
