After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
