Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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