ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
