he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
