my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
