Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I think I am morally bankrupt
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
