Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
