yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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