When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
