Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I touched a dick in church today
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
