I want to walk on stilts...naked
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
