I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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