loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
