i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
