Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
