call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
