I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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