just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
