Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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