I am in a vortex of obligation.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
