I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
