Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
why do cheetos always look like penises
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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