Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
