someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
