PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
